You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
