Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
youre lurking in front of me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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