I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my poor anus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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