You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
