There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
