then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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