you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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