At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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