Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
