I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
