he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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