Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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