Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
