just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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