he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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