Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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