dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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