so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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