Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
