every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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