i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
