I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He has the fingertips of a God
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