is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
