not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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