i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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