i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
