your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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