a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
