Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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