You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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