And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
