I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
