forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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