In the future we'll all be gay
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
