Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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