its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
