If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
