She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
