i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
