So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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