maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
