Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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