The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
