Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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