There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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