So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
