Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So apparently I’m into choking now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
