And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
