I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
