Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
