my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
