Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're like the curious george of whores
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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