Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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