I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
