Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
