No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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