drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
