i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
