He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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