I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
