I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
