I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have to summon your inner elephant
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
