My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
