Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
