Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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