I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
