Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
