Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
