i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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