Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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