I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
