having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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