Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
