Say something about gay babies.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
